It’s been quite some time since our last word. There is so much to say, but nothing you probably already don’t know. You wouldn’t be disappointed because I know you, but with your blood in in my veins I know I should have done done more. For this I apologize, but I know life is not a straight line. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I want you to know I breath strong because of you, and my heart beats strong because I have your blood flowing in me. I want you to know I have a life full of friends and special people I wish you could meet. Each day for the past 19 years you have been with me, in every decision you have been with me. In my successes and failures you have been with me. I tried to be there for your family as you would. I know I’m not you, but I do my best to fill the gap you left. Sometimes it’s been hard, but I remember what you taught me. I remember the pride you have when you looked at me. This keeps me going. A few years after you died I remember our water heater went out, and I had to install a new one. I know it was simple, but it was the first time I had to do something without you. There was a certain fear that came over me when I had a question about the gas line and you weren’t there to answer. You had always been there, and all at once it hit me that you were gone. After I calmed down everything you taught me started to fill my head and I felt you by my side once again. Since then everytime I pick up a hammer, or a power tool I feel close to you. I know you worried about Johnathan and Mom as you were dying. Mom was never really the same after you left. She stayed strong for us, but there was always a brokeness inside her. There were times I was angry with her for not being as strong as you, but I know you would have told me she is doing her best. She never remarried, and I am sure you are not surprised. Instead she devoted herself to her children, and grandchildren. She died 14 years after you, but in someways I feel part of her died the day you died. Regardless we still had many happy times as a family in the years after your death. Johnathan went to St. John Bosco and graduated. He still is finding his path in life. I recently moved back into the house, and I am doing my best to guide him. For several years I had lived in Pomona with Christina. I had several happy years there, but it didn’t workout. You had your doubts about her, and now I see why. As I said there are so many things to say, and I could go on forever. Today I made a decision to a chance and go after my dreams. I know you would not think I wasted my life, but I want more. I know I am capable of more. So I made a decision to devote myself to going after my dreams. You never had an opportunity to risk it all because of your responsibilities. I wish you did but I know you had us. I thank you for the sacrafices you made for us, and I promise to chase my dreams. I promise to take the risks you never could. This is promise is the only way I can pay you back. I have no doubt that I will be successful. My life is full of good people. Out of all of them there is one I wish you could meet. There is a lot in this person that reminds me of you. Like you she grew up in the projects, and never had it easy. Like you I have never seen her take a sick day without being sick, and although lost at times in the end she always does what is right. From the moment I met her I knew I had to love her. Her name is Jadie and she is definitely special. I know you would love her too. She keeps me honest about myself, and pushes me to reach for the sky like you. I am not sure how to define what she is to me, but she is definitely part of me. Now back to me. You’ll be happy to hear I finally finished my degree. The day I graduated was hard without you. As with all great days in life for me it is always bittersweet without you. I couldn’t die without finishing school. This is something I owe you. I am also writing again. You probably didn’t know my love of writing until those days in the hospital. I recently found a need to write again, and it’s one of the passions I intend to pursue. Sorry it took 19 years for me to write you I just didn’t know you were listening. I love you Dad and will never stop missing you. I promise you I will die only with memories and not dreams.