Chasing the light, reaching for the stars I try to find reasons to love.
Not sure whether I am flying or falling my hands trace the fading streams you leave across the sky.

Lost I find what I am looking for in your silent forgotten dreams.
Living in the shadows watching the stars fall my eyes leave me blind, but in this darkness, in this blindness I find my truth, I find you.

I wish you where here filling my mind with light, chasing falling stars with me. If you were here do you think you could see me?

Now that tomorrow is yesterday I have learned to love the confusion. I have learned to dance in the light of the falling stars singing your name. This world will never change, you should know it doesn’t have to change. Please say my name and give me a reason to love.

Waking Up Before the Sun

All my favorite people wake up before the sun. Looking back it has to all start with my father. He worked hard everyday of his life. He was a truck drive so most day he was up at least by 5 a.m. He wore a digital timex watch and this was his alarm clock. During the summer months my mother would drive him to work. This wasn’t out of necessity, but the hours he worked were long and it left very few hours in the day for my mother and father to spend together. He was always working, and she was busy running the household and raising our family. Being off on summer break I would often join my parents on the drive to my father’s work. Some days he would work in Long Beach, and occasionally he would work out of Irwindale. He drove a Concrete Truck. The trucks with the huge spinning barrels you see on the freeway. Some of my best childhood memories are of these huge trucks. I loved my father and the sacrifices he made for us, and because of his early work schedule I now admire the virtue of rising before the sun. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that only the virtuous in the world start their day before the sun, but there is something in these people that sets them apart. I think I could safely say that most of this demographic would have a strong work ethic. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sleeping in myself, but I feel there is something sinful about sleeping away the morning hours. There is something special almost sacred about these hours of the early dawn. The air feels different, the sky is reborn new not yet stain with the pollution of everyone’s daily commute, and every corner of the world is full of possibilities. I sometimes forget to value this time. For a large portion of my adult life I was not what you would call an early riser. My eyes would open early, but I would somehow always convince myself to stay in bed another 10 minutes. 10 minutes would turn into 15 then 30. It was until later in life that I met someone that reminded me of the virtues of the early morning. Her name was Jadie. Jadie somehow always gets up early even is she stays up late. Not sure how she does it. Personally there are times I find it exhausting just trying to keep up with her, but I try and in trying I somehow feel connected to my Dad again. I haven’t been consistent in my pursuit of the early morning. Jadie would agree that consistency is my great nemesis in life. I am learning I need to recommit myself on a daily basis to all my goals.

Lost at Sea

Lost at sea, no land in sight. That’s where you found me laughing in the moonlight without a name. I saw my reflection in the shadows of your broken heart.

The tide brought me to you. I learned to laugh and love in your waters. They crashed into me with every thought, with every breath, with every beat, rolling, advancing, receding, always moving in impossible ways. These unstoppable tides come and go leaving broken hearts and minds in those who challenged their impossible ways.

The moonlight followed me yesterday, but will it follow me as I dive into the depths of these dangerous waters. Is the storm in my mind strong enough to build you heaven? What will tomorrow be without the pain of yesterday? How many stars do I have to cross before I reach your shores?

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Sometimes I feel like falling

Falling fast to the bottom, just a mess of self destruction. That was me on the day we met. With a few words and a laugh you woke me up and started this fire. How could I not fall in love with your name?

The natural state of my heart scares you. It scares me too. I feel the lies in each beat, and yet I find truth in its lies. Each day as the sun rises and gives me a million reasons to fall. It pushes me to chase the impossible.

Someday I will see beyond the clouds, beyond the stars and find your truth. Someday I will make you feel like falling.

The End of the Beginning

In your eyes there is no reason to be afraid, but beyond the limits of your love the world gets cold. Somedays I wish I knew why. Other days I feel I am blessed by this blindness.

My days and nights are lost in trails of endless dreams. Stolen moments of your love give me life as I try to find a way out. I try to find my truth but it always ends with you.

You say I’m crazy. I wish I was because then I’d know my heart lies, I’d know you aren’t the one, and just maybe I could fade into nothing.

I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but know that this fire will never die. There is nothing I can do to change my eyes, and I will never fade…


Somedays it kills me that I care so much about what you think, and I hate going to bed right after you upset me. I’ve been up off and on throughout the night thinking about this weekend. I couldn’t finish writing my chapter because I kept dwelling on the fact that you feel I will never reach that 100%. I’ve made a lot of changes in my life and you are the catalyst that triggered all of this change. The one thing that makes you different, the one reason I love you beyond anyone else in this world is the fact that you believe in me. You believed that I am better than what I’ve been and you refuse to accept anything less than my full potential. I know you are right in thinking I am better than what I have been. I will reach that 100%. I know you didn’t mean in a cruel way when you said you need to find balance with me, but it hurt to hear you say that. It makes me feel that the one person in my life that really believed in me has lost faith. Maybe I am dwelling too much on your words. Maybe I love you too much. I definitely know I love you more than you want me to sometimes. This will never change, and you know I will never love anyone the same way I love you. I will never fully explain where all it comes from, or why I have loved you from the day we met. You’ve taught me that somethings do not require explanation. Please understand there is nothing in my life more powerful than the inspiration and love I get from you. When I think of you, when I look at you I am always reminded of who I am, and suddenly everything is so simple. Don’t take that away from me and please don’t start accepting me for less than who I should be. I know what I am capable of achieving and I will make it all happen. I will prove to you I am capable of achieving consistency. I will show you I can reach 100%. Also thank you for being “inflexible” or “difficult.” These are you words, but I realize it’s one of the thousands of reasons why I do love you. For the record I don’t see you as any of these things. You just require exactly what you give, and most people don’t care or give as much as you do. I beg you don’t start caring less. Don’t start giving less. It’s what makes you special. Do not let that die. I would rather die than to see you change. It’s almost morning. I can hear birds singing and cars starting. Time for me to start my day. Today I promise you 100% and each day I will renew this promise to you and myself. Thank you for being my never ending source of inspiration, and thank you for being the whirlwind that has become the center of my universe. I love you.



Looking Away

Thank you for the silence. I see the world as you want me to see. I can look away and learn to live, that was never a question.
The question that runs through my thoughts day after day, why can’t you look away. You understand more than most, but you have never seen it all.

Shadows Fall

Shadows fall at the end of the day as my thoughts end with her. Nights skies fade as the stars follow her into my dreams. The sun rises, my eyes open and her name is all I hear.

My world spins around her thoughts and words, loving her more each turn I wonder where this ends.

The rythm of her heart I feel perfectly beyond the noise of any fear. A never ending moment of desire is what calls me. Tracing her stars as I falling into the fire is all I want.

Maybe I reach beyond the limits asking for perfection. Maybe going back to the start will leads me to end. Maybe I need to steal my moment to hear the truth I already know.

Divine Blessing

I thank you for the thoughts I never had before we met, and the moments that will never be.
Lost in strange madness, searching for the one moment of truth.

Beyond imagination, beyond the truth of your life you will find what could be.
The judgement.. to be continued

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