A day in the life of a “knowledge worker” isn’t anything to complain about. Mind numbing meetings, projects that never end, and insatiable clients who never know what they want. This morning I’m dealing with all three. A mind numbing project regarding a project that never ends with an insatiable client. This project was what we called our Supplier Portal project, it should have ended a year and half ago but as always there were last minute changes that never seem to be quite complete. This morning we are talking about whether the buttons on the online forms should be titled “Submit” or “Save.” Walking in I’m surprised to see a full house. I take one of the only two vacant seat and settle in for an hour of brain cell killing discussions about these buttons. I am about to check out when I hear a quiet soft voice from behind me. “Excuse me can I sit here,” the voice says. “Be my guest, no one is sitting here,” I replied without looking up from my laptop. As I lift my head to turn to see who it is I suddenly felt like I was hit by freight train. It’s her, Ivy. “Hi, how have you been,” I inquire. “Do you know what this meeting is about,” She asked. Doing my best to hold back my jaded comments I say, “Today we are discussing aspects of the User Experience.” “I think I just made this meeting sound more than what it is. By User experience I mean we are discussing buttons. What they should be titled and what color they should be,” I continue. “Wow all these people just for that one little thing,” Ivy replied. “Sadly yes,” I say with a laugh. Finally the meeting starts. I occasionally chime in when my professional opinion is needed, but really most of my mind was occupied with this beautiful woman sitting next to me. Maybe I am just infatuated at this moment but every move, every word, every breath she takes is a wonderful gift to me. She is an amazing creature. Watching her take notes I notice her perfect handwriting. Perfect is not a word I use often, but it’s the only word I can think of to describe what I see when I look at her. I know my friend is into her, and will probably end up dating her but somehow my heart knows her already. It’s the strangest feeling. It feels like I was made to love this women. I know I don’t really know her yet, and definitely sounds cliche but I feel like I have always known her. I never want this meeting to end. She is definitely an angel sent from a heaven I never knew existed. I do my best not to stare but this is an exercise in futility. I could go on for hours about the beautiful details I see in this meeting, like the way she purses her lips to the right side her mouth as she wrestles with a thought. Then there is that smile. Oh god that smile. It could light up the world. She would definitely think I am crazy if she could hear my thoughts, and most people would agree. Somehow I know I am not crazy. I can’t explain it but she is the one I have been waiting for all my life. Now how do I convince her that I am the one for her. Maybe I can’t convince her. I just hope she sees it as clearly as I do. The meeting is over so I get up and make an excuse to walk her to her desk. “You sit on the first floor, right?” I ask. Really I don’t need to ask. I have walked by her desk countless times. I know exactly where she sits. I could find her desk blindfolded. “I will walk with you. My next meeting is down there.” I say trying not to her see through my lie. “So how long have you been working here,” I ask as we walk towards the stairs. “Next month will be two year,” she replies. Two years? How have I not seen her before? I am not sure how but I have missed her for almost two year. For over 700 days she sitting, working and breathing in the same building and some how I have missed her. I can beat myself up later. Now I need to focus on her. Walking down the stairs I ask,”So what do you think of this place now after two years?” “It’s a job. It is funny the things we spend our time on,” she comments. “Yes I know. This isn’t the real world. We are almost a government entity, and with that being said this place runs on a special kind of logic. The same kind of logic Alice found when she went through the looking glass,” I say no even trying to hold back my laughter. “But hey we have excellent benefits,” I add. “Ok talk to you later,” Ivy says as we approach her desk. “Ok I will see you later. It’s been a pleasure,” I say as I walk to my imaginary meeting. Walking down the hall I can’t stop smiling. The world is amazing again. I understand what the man who invented or I should say discover fire felt. Walking up the stairs I start thinking about my next move. What excuse can I find to initiate the next contact? Maybe lunch. Anyway time to do some research and ask around about her. If I am going to move forward I need to do some recon and find out more about her. As I approach my desk I see the red light on my phone flashing. Perfect. It’s my friend Erik. He knows every woman in the building. Well he may not know them personally but he definitely will know who Ivy is and should have some useful information.

It was a long day at work. I had enough of my horrible boss, and the mind numbing ignorance of this corporate environment. It was definitely time for a drink. Erik was still online so I quickly sent him an instant message before signing off. “Time for a drink” was all that was needed. I didn’t even wait for a reply I knew it was more than enough to convince him. After all it was Wednesday and a little liquid courage never hurt to help us get through the week. Traffic was light since it was barely 5pm. I made it to our favorite restaurant/bar in just under 10 minutes. “Welcome,” the hostess greeted as I walked through the door. I politely smiled and pointed to the bar as I walked past her. I scanned the bar and didn’t see Erik so I grabbed our usual table and sat down. The bar was empty so it took the waitress less than a minute to make her way to my table. “Long Island?,” she asked. “Of course,” I replied. We were regulars at this place, enough so that the staff knew our orders without asking. I guess on some level I should feel bad about spending that much time in a bar, but screw it this place keeps me sane these days. Erik is usually the one waiting for me. I occupied myself by people watching. I love finding someone at the bar and trying to imagine their back story. For example there is an older man alone at the bar. He had a bad tattoo on his right bar, and a scar on his left forearm. He was dressed in blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a gold chain. His hands looked worn and calloused. He was probably in early 60’s. Maybe a vietnam vet? Judging by the visible black grease lodged under his nails he could be a diesel mechanic. He was hispanic so he is probably catholic. Married 20 or more years. Two to three kids. He probably drives a pick up truck that is at least eight to ten years old. So why is he here so early and alone? Let’s see, what could it be. Probably meeting an old war buddy to watch the game, or possibly a mistress. We all have stories and I just find it amazing that each person that I see walk through that door has a millions of preceding events that got them there. We truly are the sums of our experiences. It’s what makes us all unique and I find magic in this fact. I was just about to finish my first drink when I noticed Erik walking in. “What’s up fucker?”, he asked. “Just living the dream,” I said as I laughed. Really I called him out to vent about Ivy. He was good at listening and although he never gave me any profound advice that I didn’t already know it sometimes helped me to verbalize my thoughts. To Ivy was on my mind. Loving her is exhausting at times. At this point I am stuck in a holding pattern. Unable to move on, and unsure as to what my next move should be. I understand if I’ve been very clear about my desire to love her, and she never once gave me a chance to realize this desire. Common sense tells me she does not feel the same and I should just walk away. This I get. I am not in denial, but there is something deep inside me that keeps me here waiting. At this point I have come to realize there are two possibilities. Either I’m completely insane and in total denial, or what I feel is real and despite what she says there is something there. I know no one can help me figure out the mystery except myself. Erik is of the opinion that I should find some other woman to have cheap emotionless sex with to help me move on, but I can not do it. As far as I am concerned no other women exists except for Ivy. She has ruined me and this condition is definitely terminal.

It was a cold grey morning. A storm had moved in over night. It was the kind of morning that makes you want to stay in bed an extra hour and listen to the rain drops fall. Unfortunately I could stay in bed today. There was a lot to do and not much time. My mind racing about the coming day I jumped out of bed and started my day. As usual thoughts of Ivy filled my head. It’s seems loving her pushes me in direction. Forward, always forward. I had lied to her and promised to move on, but really there is no way my heart could stop loving her. Traffic was light for a raining day. I had to get to the office before her. Pulling into the parking lot I felt a sense of relief as I scanned the parking lot for her car. She wasn’t in yet. I didn’t have a lot before she arrived so I quickly locked my car and made my way to her desk. My morning was booked with meetings, but I wanted to drop off my letter before Ivy or any of her teammates arrived. I really wanted to say some of these things to her in person, but I know she would never stand still to hear it all. I have tried to lay it all on the line and be honest about what I needed before, but she was an expert at evasive action. I left the envelope on her keyboard. As I walked away part of me wishes I could keep walking out of the building and just disappear. Really I knew none of my thoughts or words would change anything. She always had a way of seeing right through me. I never tried to hide my true intentions. I doubt I was even capable of disguising my desire to love her completely. The morning flew by as time does when you want it to slow. I didn’t bother to check my phone or email for any type of response. She always was slow to respond to me. Waiting drives me crazy, but I’ve learned to quiet my thoughts and be still. I know her silence meant those wheels were turning. They are always turning. Any other women would drive me crazy in this situation. Frustration and anger would be my normal response, but with Ivy it was always different. As expected her response came on my drive home. Nervous anticipation flood my brain as I picked up my phone.