Rain Clouds

It was a cold grey morning. A storm had moved in over night. It was the kind of morning that makes you want to stay in bed an extra hour and listen to the rain drops fall. Unfortunately I could stay in bed today. There was a lot to do and not much time. My mind racing about the coming day I jumped out of bed and started my day. As usual thoughts of Ivy filled my head. It’s seems loving her pushes me in direction. Forward, always forward. I had lied to her and promised to move on, but really there is no way my heart could stop loving her. Traffic was light for a raining day. I had to get to the office before her. Pulling into the parking lot I felt a sense of relief as I scanned the parking lot for her car. She wasn’t in yet. I didn’t have a lot before she arrived so I quickly locked my car and made my way to her desk. My morning was booked with meetings, but I wanted to drop off my letter before Ivy or any of her teammates arrived. I really wanted to say some of these things to her in person, but I know she would never stand still to hear it all. I have tried to lay it all on the line and be honest about what I needed before, but she was an expert at evasive action. I left the envelope on her keyboard. As I walked away part of me wishes I could keep walking out of the building and just disappear. Really I knew none of my thoughts or words would change anything. She always had a way of seeing right through me. I never tried to hide my true intentions. I doubt I was even capable of disguising my desire to love her completely. The morning flew by as time does when you want it to slow. I didn’t bother to check my phone or email for any type of response. She always was slow to respond to me. Waiting drives me crazy, but I’ve learned to quiet my thoughts and be still. I know her silence meant those wheels were turning. They are always turning. Any other women would drive me crazy in this situation. Frustration and anger would be my normal response, but with Ivy it was always different. As expected her response came on my drive home. Nervous anticipation flood my brain as I picked up my phone. 

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