The End of the Beginning

Sometimes there are no words to capture the pain in your heart. It’s those moments when your feet can’t touch the ground and you don’t know which way is up. This was one of those moments. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I wanted to let it all go, every emotion I have held back for years, but I didn’t. Instead I sat there, listened to her eyes, and agreed to her confessions. If you asked me I couldn’t tell you why I sat in silence, I still don’t know why. Maybe it was because I love her and I know I didn’t belong in her world. She loves me. I have no doubt she loves me. I love her. She has no doubt I love her. Sadly her eyes tell me that today this is not enough. Sometimes there is more to the world than love. Never thought I’d say those words, but some times love isn’t enough to see you through to tomorrow. Some days you have to fake it. Some days you just have to move your feet, put one in front of the other and move. Today direction didn’t matter, forwards, backwards, sideways…In this moment of exquisite agony there was no escaping the thoughts that were eating me alive. With nowhere to go I just sat there and listened. I know she will never accept or understand why she is the center. She will never understand why she is the heart of this heart. She has been part of me since the beginning. She haunted my dreams years before our eyes met. She doesn’t understand. Maybe one day I will fight hard enough for her to see. But today I know she doesn’t want to, or maybe the truth comes with too much fear. Trapped I just sat there and listened to her eyes as she spoke. Those eyes always tell me a different story. It was near the end of hot summer day, in a pure moment of existence I brushed the loose hair out of her face as the wind blew as one single thought over powered all the voices screaming in my head…god she was beautiful. And that was it I surrendered and in an instance I was in orbit again. That was the last thought I can remember. Slowly the sunset as did with my heart…

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